Sunday, May 18, 2008

To Pens Fans:

Put down the beer and stop the celebrations.

Sure, the Penguins managed to squeak their way into the Stanley Cup Finals, but they don't belong.

Many misguided fans will point to Pittsburgh's 12-2 record as a sign that this team is special, that this may be our year. They declare that the Pens are unbeaten on home ice since mid-late February, so dreams of Stanley are surely in our future! Mad, I say!

Are you all so blind as to think that today's game against the Flyers, a game in which the Pens won 6-0, is a true representation of the present-day Pittsburgh Penguins? I, for one, believe that the Penguins are much more like the team that showed up for game 4 against the Flyers and Rangers.

Everyone hails Marc-Andre Fleury as the second coming of Patrick Roy and they are certainly blind to his flaws. Perhaps the new white pads have made everyone believe that his game, or lack thereof, has truly changed for the better. I am not fooled. I have noticed his rebounds - I believe I counted 2 - MAYBE THREE! - today. An NHL goalie should be ashamed of himself for being so fundamentally unsound. I say bring back J-S Aubin!!

I was utterly appalled when he pulled his diving act today. I suppose he didn't get the memo that said that a professional hockey player is supposed to act as though nothing has happened when they get hit in the head with a hockey stick. I thought it was common knowledge that NHL players are not to even blink when hit with a stick, even a crosscheck to the jaw, but I guess that doesn't apply to the Penguins. The refs must be biased here, seeing as they clearly robbed the Flyers of a goal late in the second period. If that goal had stood like it should have, then Philly would have easily roared back and won the game.

Stupid refs, they all want Pittsburgh to win the Cup. It must be Gary Bettman, telling them to fix the game.

I cannot believe that I still hear people suggest that Sidney Crosby is the best player in the world, or that he ever was. If he is so good, then why is he so bad in the playoffs? Oh, and don't give me that "how can he be so bad if he has 21 points in 14 games" crap. He has what, like 2 goals? He should be scoring at least three every night, in addition to his collection of assists. He must be supremely jealous of Malkin and it is making him play poorly. That, and he's got to be hurt. He had that ankle thing this year, and a groin injury in the past, so he must be hurt. Maybe it's his wrist or his back - he's obviously an injury-prone player, so it could be anything (and probably is everything).

Malkin is another player that really pisses me off. Pens fans have placed him on a pedestal, saying that he is a good player and all that crap, but have you guys SEEN what he did in the playoffs? Did you see him get hit by the Flyers and FALL DOWN? Stand on your feet, buddy, for goodness sake. And then he made this crap move into the offensive zone and gave the puck to the Flyers, who are so great that they scored on this glorious gift. Malkin must be jealous of the attention given to Crosby, which is why he is has been so horrible.

And Marian Hossa? What on earth was Ray Shero thinking, trading Colby Armstrong, whatshisface, and Angelo Friggin' Esposito for him??!? Can you say FLOP? Sure, he can add a goal now and then, but I think I saw him turn over the puck at some point in the playoffs. You cannot make plays like that if you want to win, so Hossa obviously wants to fail.

I am so disgusted with Michel Therrien right now that I can hardly type his name without cringing. Everyone is so in love with him, saying that he has done a good job turning the Pens around in such a short period of time, but I wouldn't trust him to coach Timbit hockey. He should be fired.

It's an absolute disgrace that the Pens are allowed to advance so far in the playoffs because of favourable treatment by the refs and the NHL. On most occasions, the opposing teams are so discouraged when playing the Pens and being on the bad end of calls that it is so hard for them to overcome this adversity. Every now and then, though, a team will find a way to rise and come out on top, despite the preferential treatment given to the Pens, but it is virtually impossible to sustain it long enough to win a playoff series.

Is there justice in the sports world?


mer said...

I have to say the only disappointment with this post?

That somewhere, someone needs to be told it is sarcasm.

Ashley said...

mer - actually, 'sarcasm' is one of the labels on the post.

DaBich said...

LMAO Ash, you had me roaring this morning....great job!

Jenn Casey said...

I got through the post and was like wtf? has she lost her marbles? Then i got all the way to the bottom and saw "sarcasm" and cracked up laughing. i'm at work. people saw me laughing at my computer. it's ok though.

Jeff K said...

Awesome. Very funny.